Quick answer: I've been feeling… lost in my spiritual journey. And that's hard for me to admit. Because I'm the girl who believes in manifestation.
Last updated: April 8, 2026
Lately, I've been feeling… lost in my spiritual journey.
And that's hard for me to admit.
Because I'm the girl who believes in manifestation. I've done the journaling, the scripting, the affirmations, the rituals… I've tried to align, to trust, to surrender.
But if I'm being honest… what I've been calling in just isn't showing up the way I thought it would.
And I don't want to say I'm losing faith.
But I am tired.
Tired of doing all the "right" things and still feeling like I'm standing in the same place.
I've been applying to job after job… just to be denied. Or ignored.
Every month, I'm trying to make my mortgage stretch just a little further. Just trying to make it work.
And at the same time, I'm in school full-time… trying to build a better future for myself.
But it feels like no matter how hard I try, I keep coming up short.
And that feeling? It's heavy.
Part of me keeps saying, "Be grateful. Look how far you've come."
And I am grateful.
But another part of me whispers, "Why does everything feel so hard?"
Because the truth is… even the life I have now took everything out of me to build.
And I think that's where the disconnect is.
Deep down… I already know what's wrong.
I haven't been consistent.
Not because I don't care. Not because I'm lazy.
But because I've been discouraged.
Discouragement will make you question everything… even your faith, even your path, even yourself.
So I've decided to do something that feels both scary and… freeing.
I'm taking a step back.
Not from my dreams.
Not from my belief in something bigger than me.
But from the noise.
The pressure.
The expectations.
The idea that my life has to look a certain way to be "right."
For the first time in a long time… I'm asking myself a different question:
What do I actually want?
Not what society says.
Not what looks stable on paper.
Not what feels like the "safe" choice.
But what feels true to me.
So for now…
I'm not applying to any more jobs.
I'm choosing to focus on school.
To slow down.
To sit with myself.
To meditate, not just to "manifest"… but to understand.
To reconnect with the version of me that isn't performing, chasing, or proving anything.
Maybe the delay isn't denial.
Maybe these past three years weren't wasted…
Maybe they were preparing me to finally choose a life that actually fits me.
Not one I forced myself into.
Right now, I don't have all the answers.
But I do have this quiet knowing:
I'm allowed to pause.
I'm allowed to pivot.
I'm allowed to choose a different path.
Even if it doesn't make sense to anyone else.
And maybe…
this isn't me being lost.
Maybe this is me finally finding myself.
🌙