I've realized that I have a deep fear of being seen and fully expressing my true self.
When I was younger, I wasn't afraid to be who I was. I was imaginative, quirky, expressive, and unapologetically myself. But somewhere along the way, people made me feel like those parts of me were too much. I was judged, criticized, and made to feel small for simply existing as I was.
Now, as an adult, that fear still follows me.
It shows up every time I want to post on social media. I overthink everything.
Will this offend someone?
What if people think I'm unattractive?
My hair isn't done, so maybe I shouldn't post.
What if they don't like me?
What if I sound crazy?
What if people judge me?
The thoughts never seem to end.
What should be a simple act of sharing a piece of myself turns into an exhausting battle between who I am and who I think everyone else expects me to be.
But lately, I've been learning something important.
It's okay to be myself.
As long as I'm not hurting anyone, I don't need permission to exist authentically. I don't need to shrink myself to make other people comfortable. I don't need to look perfect before I show up. I don't need everyone's approval to share my thoughts, my creativity, or my story.
The truth is, I don't want to spend the rest of my life hiding.
I want to be seen!
I want to create!
I want to take up space!
I want to embrace the parts of myself that I've spent years trying to suppress!
I just want to be the eccentric, whimsical being of love and light that I've always been.
And maybe being seen isn't something to fear.
Maybe it's the path back to myself.